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King for a Day
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King for a Day

BY

ALAN POLK HEMPHILL

There are times I theorize about how I would treat the problems of the day if I were "King For a Day."

First, I would change the rules of the legal system. I would decree that all criminal defense attorneys must move the accused they are defending into the attorney's personal home to live as part of the family. If the accused is so deserving of freedom as to be released among the public, then the attorney's family should be first to test the proposition. Criminals placed on early release programs would spend their first six months in the home of a parole board member chosen at random from among those board members who voted for the early release. The Hemphill Law #1 would be stated: "Anything that is universally advocated in the abstract cannot be personally avoided in the specific."

"None of the Above" would be placed on every ballot, and if NOTA wins a plurality then the office is declared vacant and none of the candidates may not run in the succeeding race.

Voting would take place on a weighted corporate basis - one vote for every dollar paid in taxes. Those who have a greater stake get more votes, and those parasites who pay nothing do not get to vote money from those who produce. As an interim position I would be willing to support the right to vote only for landowners. One man one vote is so absurd an idea that even the United Nations gives veto power to those rich countries who would otherwise have to pay for all the ills of the ignorant. Eventually I would abolish the IRS, and replace all income tax with a flat tax, or a sales tax. I like a sales tax, because it taxes consumption thereby encouraging savings, and we already have the mechanism in place for the collection. At this point, voting would be based upon income - those who have the most to lose have the most say in how the country is run. Money, after all, is how we keep score.

Anyone who proposes any idea that would require the taxes of everyone would be required to first give half of his or her earthly possessions to start the bandwagon rolling. (See Rule #1, above.) There is no current law against anyone paying higher taxes if they wish, and I wish those who support higher taxes would just send in their donations immediately.

Anyone who is caught in the act of committing a major crime could be executed on the spot, with impunity. Trying bank robbers, or even drunk drivers who commit felony manslaughter, is a waste of the public time and money, not to mention how such cases clog the system. Anyone not actually caught in the act, with a smoking gun, should have a regular trial with no more than two appeals, subject to the defense attorney caveat above.

Anyone who supports the concept of the draft, or of compulsory service to the country, would be required to write in longhand 10,000 times the single sentence that serves as Section 1 of the 13th Amendment to the constitution of the United States, "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist in the United States or any place subject to their jurisdiction."

I would make school reform a priority by: Establishing parental control of the school their ward attends; ending the construction of all sports facilities and school sports programs while expanding Little League, Pop Warner Football and Soccer programs financed by the parents of the participating young people; abolish school supported transportation, and let the parents work out the bussing or jitney program for themselves. (Have you ever known a kid to miss a Little League practice or a gym meet?); abolish compulsory schooling (see Draft above) and empower each teacher to maintain discipline, including the power to dismiss a student; institute merit pay and contract teaching; and demand competence before completion of each grade level.

I would reform the welfare system by: Permitting no person to receive welfare for more than any 12 months out of each 60 month period; abolishing all welfare departments and mailing a check to those in need, subject to the 12 month proviso above; all monies saved on overhead by the provisions immediately above will be sent to the Salvation Army and Catholic Charities, diminishing at a rate of 5% per year; building barracks on low intensity use government land to house and feed those who cannot ( or will not) care for themselves, with the requirement that no person taking advantage of the food and housing may live any better than the lowest ranking enlisted person in the military, and may not vote. By the same token, the best treated convicted felons may not live better than the outermost posted and most uncomfortable military person in the employee of the government. Herein is stated Hemphill's Rule #2: "No productive member of Society shall live worse than any non-productive member of Society."

I wonder if a politician who might run on a platform based on ideas like this could get elected anywhere in the United States? (Not a chance!)

I'll work on some other concepts shortly. This is more fun than I had thought.

Published in the Bernardo News

 

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Copyright 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 by Allen Hemphill
Last modified: August 13, 2012